Vita Brevis
by BluePard
Summary: Completed. This is the Hats/Tenks fic! I'm so evil. I love me. Be afraid. Although this turned out more philosophical than I expected. (The update is just a minor change to final author's notes.)
1. Life is Short

If you don't want to read about two men fucking, go away.

This series will spoil pretty much all the manga, but this chapter only goes up to vol 8. This series will eventually be lemon, but really it's only lime now. Who knows, some chapters may actually be insightful, funny or sad, but mostly I'm just trying to get better at writing sex.

Oh, and I'm also trying to keep in mind two rules of writing I rather like:

Never explain  
And never apologize. =D

"But... suusu..." I sweatdropped.

"But what? He needs a body guard and a human one won't do. They might send sendou after him again." He waved his peach in a clockwise manner. I really wished he wouldn't be so casual about it.

He counted off on his fingers. "Youzen has too much ego to play bodyguard, KiHatsu has too much ego to be guarded by his younger brother, Nataku's more of a threat to him than half our enemies..."

I remembered that. The idiot had only survived glomping Nataku the first time because Nataku didn't understand what he was doing and because he was weak. It was easy to distract Nataku with a Youzen sparring session while we got the king the hell out of there, but that might not work again.

"And besides, you've been his bodyguard before."

Yes, and wasn't once more than enough?

"What about my training? I've only been training a couple years, I need what I can get!" Actually, I'd been training since I was eight, longer if you count sparring sessions with my dad, but that's nothing on a sennin time scale. "Especially since my coach is down here anyway--"

"You'll get exercise keeping all the people he glomps from killing him! Kakaka..."

"Suusu!"

He gave me a look. Maybe it's because he always acts like an idiot, when he looks serious it always surprises me. "Defeating Dakki won't matter if we don't have a king. He's the one the people want, I'm giving you the most important job!"

I sighed, lowering my head in dejection. But... but...

"Hey..." I looked up. "Why don't _you_ guard--"

...

The wind whistled.

I had to remember not to take my eyes off that guy, I reminded myself as I kicked dust, hands in my pockets, all the way to KiHatsu's room. It had thick walls and was a little away from the rest of the rooms. I knocked. This was KiHatsu after all.

"Come iiii~n! I'm eating right now but if you wait I can--"

"I'm not here to screw you." I opened the door and walked in. KiHatsu made a little sulky disappointed face. Sennin above, how was I gonna survive this?

I sat down. "Suusu told me to take care of you."

"Oh, well, in that case, just start undressing and I'll be with you in a--"

"Shut up!" What did he think I was, a concubine?

"I was just kidding." He threw another sulky look at me.

"Sure you were." I puffed on my cigarette a bit and reminded myself to make suusu pay for extra packs I'd have to buy.

He shrugged and went back to eating. I almost grew more annoyed, for some reason. I didn't understand why people wanted him as king at all.

"I have to be your bodyguard." I took a long drag from the cigarette. "So that means I'll be hanging around you a lot."

"Will you be watching?" He sucked on a chopstick.

"Watching whaaAH, No!"

"Then how will you be around me a lot?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. He couldn't possibly do it that--gah, he was so annoying!

"I'm going to have to protect you as much as possible." I tried to control myself. "Could you try to maybe make this a little easier on me?"

"Hmmmm...." He finished his food and thought for much too long, then picked himself up and plopped down next to me. He narrowed his eyes.

"W--what?" I leaned away from his glare. 

"Why should I?" He crossed his arms and legs, sulking. "You're gonna get in the way of my fun, that's what you're saying."

"I'm going to protect your life!"

"What's life without purin?!" Holy, he was serious. "If you don't enjoy life, there's no point anyway."

"You're willing to die just so you can get laid? Y... you idiot..." He shrugged again. "It's not like I even want to be here!"

"Then leave." He slid a cold look at me.

I sighed. "I can't, I have a duty--"

"Then pay the toll." He straddled me, pulled me into a kiss, and I realized with shock his other hand was moving behind me, under my pants. It was such a quick, slick movement with no warning at all, I don't know how a blunt idiot like him managed it.

I pushed against him, broke the kiss. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

"You shouldn't wear slut clothes if you're not a slut."

"WHAT?!" I wanted to kick him off, but was stopped by a sudden piercing, unfamiliar sensation. It took me a second to realize the cause of it was the hand behind me, and what I knew next was a deep searching kiss and the noise of my zipper being pulled down.

In my life so far, I don't think I had any experiences which compared to that. When I was scouted by the sennin world, I was still young. I'd gone out a bit, stolen a few kisses, but mostly just kid stuff, curiosity. And in the sennin world there are very few sennyo, so .... well, I must admit I was still a bit unexperienced with girls.

But I was totally unexperienced with _guys._

Of course I couldn't use the Bakuya no Houken against him--in fact, at that thought I pulled it out and threw it away, so the idiot couldn't mummify himself while groping me. I really wished I hadn't, though, because while I did that he just got me a more compromising position.

His lips left mine. "Isn't it nice?" And he started working on my neck. I wasn't very coherent at this point, but I assumed he meant the work he was doing on my crotch.

"A... a... ah... I...." No, not very coherent at all. 

He withdrew from my neck and stared at me, tilting his head cattishly. He was still stroking at me and now I was pinned.

"You're hardening." he said. This did not register. "Your body likes it, now the only question is, do you?" He licked my lips.

I... don't really want to recount the rest of it. That idiot, why did he have to be that blunt? But... I don't think, if I hadn't been so shocked, that I would've acted on such a basic level. I swear he does this sort of thing on purpose. In fact, if he could I'm sure he would, it's just hard to believe that someone that's such a blunt idiot can know just the right way to tack you. Maybe he was right on one thing, though, maybe I should've worn clothes that were harder to get into.

And I'll admit, maybe I did... sort of... kind of.... enjoy it. 

...

Well, anyways--Hatsu's kind of an interesting guy in bed--and I don't mean that in a perverted way! --I mean, he acts as if he's a tailor. How's it feel? Try it out. Bit tight in the crotch? That sort of thing. He also sounds the most calm and rational during sex, it's really annoying.

And he said this--which irked me to no end--"I'll go easy on you."

"E... easy on me?"

"Since you haven't done this before." I hope he meant "been with a guy before" otherwise I want to know how he could tell.

He also liked to give me facts about screwing guys that I didn't necessarily need. "It's more fun if we both come at the same time" and such.

The weirdest thing, I think, was sleeping with him afterwards. Well, not with, next to. He seemed to consider foreplay literally an afterthought--he spent a lot more time feeling me up afterwards than before. I didn't really care, I was tired. When I fell asleep I think he was still coddling me, but all I cared about was the fact that no one ever, ever barged into his room without knocking.

When I woke up, I think I spent about five minutes sitting on the bed and staring at him, wondering how this had happened. I could just think back and remember, but I ended up thinking "Why didn't I just push him away?" or "Why did I end up being the one to take my jacket off?" Maybe that's what they called a "flurry of passion" or something, but the memories and, especially, the cliche both seemed stupid in retrospect.

I dressed quietly. It had been... nice, though. I took a quick bath before breakfast--I don't know how you could possibly tell, but just in case--and ate on the roof, letting my leg swing over the edge.

"Tenka!" That was suusu's voice. I glanced over.

"Ohayo, suusu, kabbachi." I was kind of in a thoughtful daze, I only half-heard kabbachi's protest.

"Why aren't you watching KiHatsu? Do you have any idea where he is?" His tone was sharp. I thought I could trust you with this!

"That guy is--" I stopped. I had almost said "a pain in the ass." Damn that phrase. Damn my excessive swearing.

"--annoying." I finished. "I don't want to deal with him right now."

I wondered if he'd tell anybody. That hadn't even occurred to me. But no--even a guy as blunt and stupid as him had to realize he'd never get people in bed if he didn't have _some_ tact.

"Well, I'm sorry you don't have any idea where he is, because no one does." That voice was piercing.

"He's probably just off chasing chicks." I finally tilted my head in suusu's direction and met his glare. I sighed. "All right, all right, I'll keep a closer eye on him from now on."

A few days went by, and we hadn't had any change. From what I could see, our king spent most of his time chasing purin, sleeping and eating. He didn't make any more moves on me, oddly enough. Well, the occasional friendly grope he gave everybody, but that always in public and so my reaction was always a boot to the face, as was everybody's.

I kind of felt itchy though. Maybe pervertedness is catching or maybe now that I knew what I was missing, or that I had the opportunity, I kind of wondered--what would be the harm in it anyway? Since I'd done it before. And what he said about going easy on me, I felt in a way it was true. Or maybe that's why he seemed too calm, or something, but I wanted to know what he'd normally do. Especially since he hadn't tried anything since, even when I wound up sleeping in the same room as him.

So I went to Hatsu's room with no laid purpose in mind, but a bit of latent tension I wasn't quite admitting. I marched in without bothering to knock.

I stepped out of the room quickly and shut the door. I was startled and immediately headed down the corridor, feeling a bit guilty for having disturbed them. But, also, annoyed that he was busy and I would have to wait. Maybe a little annoyed in another way, though I didn't feel like it at the time. I was here, after all, wanting something, though of course he didn't know that, but why didn't he try me? Why go to that girl first?

Yes, I'm pretty sure now, that's what it was. I left him alone for the night, but the next day after dinner I cornered him and backed him into his room. 

"We're gonna have it out," I said, like I was challenging him to a fight. I whipped the turban off his head like the slap of a glove against a cheek.

He looked at me like he didn't understand. That idiot, like he'd forgotten. 

I repeated myself, pulling his shirt over his head like you do in hockey, like I was about to deliver round of blows to his stomach. But I just tossed it across the room and stared him down.

And I stepped close, caught my hand around his neck and pulled him down, as if to bare my teeth in some threat hissed in his ear. But I laid a kiss on his lips instead.

I must have forgotten who he was for a second. Not who he was to most, that idiot who griped and ignored sensible instructions, who had to constantly bow to the prerogatives of sendou who had him as piece on their board, the King who was to be protected and who could occasionally move one step in the right direction, if properly prodded. As a lover, he was one who believed he knew your desires better than you did, and could be annoyingly right. As he himself said, it was the only thing he was good at.

So I sort of lost a bit of my machismo and all of my grip on the situation when he put a hand under my rear and hauled me up to his height, instead of stooping to mine. He replied to my kiss and made the muscles under his hands jump. He just held me in that kiss a while, stroking up and down my abdomen, and it occurred to me he did seem a bit overly fascinated with that last time, that he might just stay here and taunt me forever. After all, he no longer needed to seduce me.

But eventually he traced down to the button of my jeans, lifted his lips off mine and worked his way around my face and neck. I think I was blushing--I came in like that, and now I was blushing. But his approach was a lot more personal this time, seemed a lot more concerned with my face and I'd... I'd just been taken off my guard once again. But it was nice... and I wondered what his fascination with flesh was, and drew my hand down his side, and I could see that he had a good build, and felt a little fascinated myself, and I suddenly wondered what my master, Seikyo Doutoku Shinkun, what my coach would think about this.

I pushed Hatsu away in shock, my mind caught up in a sort of horror. He moved his hand so he was holding me by the waist instead, and stopped his strokes, and asked me what was wrong, I think, but all I could think of was what I abandoned the moment he picked me up. I was trained as a competitor, as someone who wins no matter what. Was it all right, this submissiveness, letting him do what he wanted, giving in to it, enjoying it--

I tried to run away, it was just so wrong, but Hatsu was holding me with both arms still, looking surprised, concern in his voice, damn him, when this was his fault for getting the better of me--he just wouldn't let go--

"I'm not gay!" I yelled at him and pushed hard against his chest. This contact, I don't want this contact--

I swear, he must've heard me think it. He gripped me by the inner thigh, freezing me in place. The hand on my back pushed me close, and now I was chest to chest with him, my body against the length of his body, and his eyes fixed on mine, inches from me. For once they seemed as intense with intent as with color.

I expected him to kiss me or yell at me, but he just gave me a neutral gaze, which is fucking disturbing on him. But if I tried to concentrate on something else, the first thing I noticed was his chest against mine, the beat of his heart vibrating my rib cage, his intakes of breath pushing me away from him rhythmically. If I ignored _that_, well, there was that hand, which I was trying to ignore most of all.

It was a long moment.

He drew his hand up from my back, letting me relax away from him, and caught my chin.

"Well then, maybe you're bi." And he grinned, and he gave me one of those deeeep kisses that are as obnoxious as hell.

And that's why I'm walking funny today.

Hatsu gave me a long lecture once I was exhausted and unable to escape (for a guy who sleeps around so much, he's got a damn possessive grip when it comes to his post-coital petting)

"Machoism is just a stereotype. People have expectations for men, that they be defenders, protectors, big, strong, stoic and such. And when you're big and strong, they just fill in the rest. The worst is people get locked into it--like they have to be the stereotype, like it's the mold and they're the defective cast." I'm absolutely sure he didn't phrase it this way, but, you know. "You are who you are! What you are is good and you should just enjoy it." That was pretty much a direct quote. I thought about it later. I don't know.... I don't have even the slightest idea how my coach or my dad or the rest of my family would react to this. I like to think they'd accept it, since I'm going to do it anyway.

Besides, it's not like I'm committed, I thought. You try out things when you're young and who knows what'll happen with the rest of your life. And it's not like I'm hurting anybody. Sleeping around with another guy might get me horrible complications, but this is KiHatsu. Not sleeping with him is what starts an argument. In fact, once he realized he had open access to me, he began to take liberties, though never in front of anyone. But it is awkward to be going somewhere and be randomly picked up and carried off to the boudoir. Not that I minded, necessarily, but--how do you act?

Something in my pride always made me give him at least a little trouble at the onset of anything, but he treated my protests like sweet nothings. In fact, I guess nothing is technically what they were--because I'd protest at some point, even if I was the one to start it. Besides, I didn't think it a good idea to let a guy like Hatsu know he could do anything with me, he might get odd notions. Sometimes I'd curl up in bed with him without doing anything, though I'd have to catch him already asleep to manage that. He'd automatically hug me in his sleep and mutter the names of people I didn't want to know about or things like "Fetch the chocolate syrup" which I wanted to know even less about.

It was one of those days, the day when Hatsu was to give his speech to Seiki, that suusu came in without knocking. "KiHatsu, you have to get ready!" Suusu tended to sound like an old maid around Hatsu, for some reason. "Have you even learned your..."

I was under the covers and thought maybe if I could stay still I'd be safe, but at suusu's pause I remembered my boots, jacket and holster were lying on the floor. They were too stiff to wear comfortably in bed--

"Tenka?"

I pretended to be asleep. Maybe he'd think I'd just left them there. We did sleep in the same room sometimes, after all.

Step... step... step... and the blanket was pulled off from over my head. I scrunched my eyes up at the sudden light, not thinking, opened them and was staring into suusu's eyes. They're just as intense as Hatsu's, by the way, and can be just as disturbing.

"Tenka?"

I froze. How could I... admit it, what was there even to admit? We were both in our clothes but...

"Mmm... purin-chan..." Hatsu rolled over and ended up burying me.

"GAH! Get off me!" My people-watching instincts kicked in and he was kicked out.

Hatsu rubbed his head and gave me his all-inclusive pouty look. "You're no fun, Tenka-chan."

"-Kun at least, -kun!" I yelled at him.

"Oi, KiHatsu..." Suusu knead his temple. "We don't need to have to guard you from your bodyguard."

"If he's not a slut he shouldn't dress so slutty." And he gave his usual "I'd do it again in a heartbeat--and I'd do _you_ in a heartbeat" grin. In a moment he was dragged off by suusu to prepare for the speech, though, and I was left panting on the bed, overcome by the incredible happiness of someone who has just received the blessing of not having to face up to their actions.

That was... pretty smart, I thought. Did he mean to do that? I supposed he had a lot of experience with covering up this type of thing. Yeah, maybe he wasn't such an idiot, after all.

"Uh... war is bad."

....well, at least he was good in bed.


	2. Life is Short

Again, the men will be banging it. Spoilers up to vol 9. I know I'm contradicting the manga a little and I don't care. Hell, it's not like these two would be together in the manga anyway, right?

The Shuu Army went on ahead of us while Hatsu got things in order. He seemed to actually be doing something now that he was king, even if it was just paperwork, which gave him no time for excessive purin chasing. I had gotten used to having to wait my turn at times, but I was not to have that problem, although I began to have the opposite one--Hatsu's libido outweighs mine, and I was still recovering from my injuries, after all.

When we did join up with the army a few months later, I began to wonder if my injuries weren't why suusu had made me Hatsu's bodyguard. We hadn't been attacked, but they had. It's hard to know why suusu does things, though, at times.

Unfortunately, Hatsu's first act as king, once in camp, was to scout for bishounen soldiers.

"Ahhh, variation!" was his comment. Some of these days I still want to throttle him. I thought we had settled this before, that I neede... er, that I wanted certain things from him every once in a while.

I was getting anxious. It was bad enough to be on our way to Chouka to fight goodness only knows how many incredibly powerful sendou, without being ... frustrated on top of it. If I guy's gotta walk all day, not knowing when an enemy will attack, he wants a little relaxation at the end of it, you know?

Sometimes I'd look at the guys who came out of Hatsu's tent and think, but I never really could imagine sleeping with anyone but Hatsu. Despite being at the whim of someone as voracious as he was, I wouldn't consider myself perverted, I couldn't even imagine trying to pick up any of those guys.... though they must be damn easy to pick up, for Hatsu to manage it.

...wait, did that mean I was easy to pick up? ...well, no. It's easy to resist normal people. Hatsu is, above all, not normal.

Anxiously hoping for a turn those weeks, I'd watch him pick up guys. I was used to his purin glomping, and although I'd never seen that work I suppose perhaps a few of those girls who slapped him in public, as I did, might search him out in private and act a little different. I supposed it was a matter of advertisement.

However, it seemed to be a different matter with guys--not so many were quick to leap to the chance of a one night stand with a spry young buck, as it were. It was kind of interesting to watch his different methods--and yes, I realized after a while, to a degree he did hold suusu's ability to size an opponent up, and his charisma, although he used them to totally different ends.

I also learned why Hatsu was the one the people wanted as king, once he hit his stride. When he wasn't trying to screw you, he was a great guy.

....Which somehow made me even _more_ annoyed, as I watched the soldier's growing love for their king, both seduced and not. After a while I couldn't stand it, and I avoided him. Perhaps I was unconsciously playing hard to get or something, but all I got was Hatsu's absence for a few days. Well, a few weeks--thousands of soldiers, with Hatsu taking his pick! I had all I could stand. 

I chose the day before a break, when we stopped moving and rested the troops. I juggled a knife as Hatsu came awake.

He blinked and tugged at the ropes.

"..." He looked back and up, then down over his stomach. It was quite clear now, if it hadn't been before, that I had him securely staked to the ground under his mattress, sprawled out in an inviting, completely defenseless position.

"Ah, Tenka...." He'd spotted me, but I pretended not to notice. Perhaps I'd forgotten he was even there. I just sat in the corner, staring down at my knife, juggling it.

"Tenka-kun....?" Ah, it was such a nice knife. I began polishing it.

"Tenka-kun, let me up!" I blinked and looked up. Oh, right. Him. I put the knife away and strolled over, crouched next to him, propped my head lazily on my hand, swinging my cig to the far corner of my mouth.

"Yes?" I sized him up oh so innocently.

"Oi, this is not funny..." He bared his teeth instead of giving his usual pout. He had plans for many other purin today, of course. But they'd have to change. 

Get ready, you've just been shanghaied.

I stepped over him and sat, humming to myself as I meandered my way through undoing his front. Pulling the fabric aside, a traced a hand down and undid his pants, just as casually.

"Oi, you can't strip me while I'm tied down like this! Just let me up!"

I cocked my head at him, considering. I brought out the Bakuya no Houken. _Vwing._

"TenkAAAAaaaa~aa!!" It was such an adorably pathetic sound.

I grinned, finally, unable to resist. I tossed the Bakuya no Houken aside as usual and brought out the knife again, solving the problem with two swift strokes.

"Those were nice pants..." He was sulking. Good.

I draped over him, grinning. "Hatsu..."

"What?" Pout.

"You're mine today." I put the knife under his chin and forced his lips to mine. After that wait, I was not in a mood for discussion.

"How exactly do you expect me to perform like this?" He tried to gesture at himself, and somehow made the gesture more complete by not being able to complete it.

Well, of course he was upset. He could be off showing his talents to the whole camp, under his own terms.

"I'll take care of it."

And now I had to back up my claim. But it was easy to start, just a steady motion with my hand and tracing my tongue up and down the etched lines of his body... things I wanted to do anyway. Occasionally I'd bring my face close to his crotch, but I'd always shy away, teasing him. When I looked up, bemused by the long view over his abdomen and chest to his face, it held a look of utter outrage, the sort of anger you really could only get by killing a close loved one or teasing a pervert. I glided to his face, kissed him on the nose--he snorted--and plucked his turban off, tousling his hair. He was almost bucking at the ropes in frustration. 

Finally I settled onto him, sure I'd at least given him something he wasn't used to--Hatsu didn't seem much for bondage, free soul that he was. When I let him go he didn't seem mad, though. Perhaps he'd put up with anything for a fuck; perhaps he understood what I felt; perhaps he didn't want to argue with the guy with the sword.

"You should've just asked." was all he said.

What? But that wouldn't have been any fun.

Soon we encountered Chouka's army and defeated them. We'd begun passing the checkpoints to Chouka, and although suusu had proven his superiority as a tactician, he'd also lost his arm. The farther we went, the deeper into enemy territory we were, the harder it was to go back. We were determined, but it was a long journey and you couldn't help but become unsettled, at least at times.

At those times, I'd usually glance at Hatsu. I don't think he ever worried about the consequences of his actions a day in his life, and he seemed as cheerful as ever. Though every time we passed by a city and saw the condition of the people there, his face would grow unusually serious a moment, he would be back to himself the moment the food we brought with us was distributed. His simpleminded cheerfulness was surprisingly helpful, at times.

"Ah Doukouson! Look at that chick!" And very annoying, at others.

He and Doukouson got along very well, by the way, for two reasons: Hatsu never hit on Doukouson, and they had similar interests.

"Purin-chaaa~n!" I hid my face behind a hand. Purin-chasing hadn't been a problem for a while, because no one in the surrounding areas was in any condition to be chased. Even Hatsu's dealings with the soldiers weren't quite as bad as watching him run around like an idiot after every thing that walked by. He could waste endless time like that.

Trying to ignore Hatsu, I missed the girl's response; however, oyaji's exclamation could not be missed.

_"Dakki?!"_

I took my hand away, and next to Hatsu was the most... well, the most feminine of females I'd ever seen. For a second I thought she was naked, then I realized she was wearing a skin-tight body suit. Her hair was long and anointed her every movement; she was the personification of the word _gorgeous_. Indeed, I could already feel the bile rising in the back of my throat.

That... that was what killed mom and auntie and forced us from our home.

"Wow, she's even better than I imagined!" said Hatsu, getting some affirmation from Doukouson.

"YOUR MAJESTY!!" I said, kindly avoiding certain areas as I stomped on him. That thing killed your father and brother and would just as easily kill you, what are you _thinking?!_

I'd have to yell at him later... at the moment, we surrounded Dakki, ready to fight.

Well, perhaps ready wasn't the best word. We were totally overpowered in an instant. As I crashed to the ground, my one thought was well, at least pops didn't land on me. Then I never would have recovered.

Any humour I might've found in that dissolved when I realized pops hadn't landed at all. I rushed back to suusu, scouring the area for pops, but, although he'd been right there by me, he was gone.

"Honey's gone too!"

"Ahh... Suupuu..."

"Is Bu'oh all right?"

I stopped in my tracks. We'd sent the soldiers to safety, so Hatsu'd been the only normal human with us. Pops wouldn't be injured by that blast or that fall, but Hatsu...

"They will be temporarily in my care!"

The sparkly idiot--Choukoumei--made his introduction, but my eyes were on the image behind him. I couldn't see pops or Hatsu very well, but if they were hostages, they had to be alive. They seemed unconscious, though, and I couldn't tell if they were injured. That bastard... this was below low. Kidnapping old men and perverts and hippos! Fortunately, he seemed one for ceremony--so long as we played his game it seemed we could get them out all right. And I was almost anxious for a fight.

...

As I flopped into bed, it occurred to me all that fighting hadn't even taken that long. A half hour for every hostage, perhaps a few hours for Choukoumei. It seemed a lot longer than that...

Getting Hatsu back came first, and it was easy. Kind of funny, to think of it, that Choukoumei put the King of the Shuu first and the Hippo last. I suppose that's called "knowing your enemies." Hatsu came out yelling and swearing, but no one had really worried about him. Youzen just put him on the fat dog and told him not to stay on too long or it might shorten his life.

"And don't try to feel me up or it will _definitely shorten your life_." That guy scares me more than some of our enemies.

After that, I felt better--pops is old, yes, and not technically sendou, but he's huge, a great swordsman and, most of all, my old man. It's kind of hard to think anything could ever harm him. I was worried about Tenshou when I found out he was there, but without reason, and dad, hell, didn't even need us to get himself out, it was just that...

"Oi, what happened to you?!"

I looked up at the voice. It was Hatsu's, of course; he never knocked.

I got up, ignoring the pain in the wound I'd been inspecting as he came in. "I was injured. That's what happens in fights."

"It looks horrible, aren't you gonna take care of it?" He pulled up my jacket and peered at it. I tried to sidestep away from him.

"I was just looking it over, I'm gonna re-bandage it now."

"Lemme." He sat me down and grabbed the bandages away. I narrowed my eyes.

"What do you know about first aid?"

He just snorted and bandaged me with top speed.

He did seem to have a bit of knowledge. I was quickly tied up tight and after a moment I don't think I was even bleeding anymore, which was a relief to me. I wiggled around a bit; it was well done.

"Where did you learn this?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

"First hand. Like sex!" He nodded sagely. Sometimes when I put together what he does and what he says I end up cross eyed.

I'd forgotten how often the girls of the marketplace used him as target practice. And, I suppose, as the second son of a feudal lord, he'd have been trained in certain things.

I blinked at that thought. Although we were trying to make him king, it hadn't really occurred to me before that he might have had any training in it.

"Hatsu... what did you learn, as a Lord's son?" I patted the bandages to satisfy myself and avoid looking at him, in case he was sensitive about it.

"I learned how to jimmy all the locks in the palace!" He grinned wildly. "And all the secret escape routes!"

I tried not to fall off my seat at my own stupidity. Sensitive, gah. "Wh... why would you learn that?"

"To escape my lessons, of course!"

I tried not to flinch, and succeeded only partway. Most people would have done anything for a decent education and the kind Hatsu got--well, would have gotten...

I sighed. "Isn't there anything you're really interested in?"

He tilted his head to the side, considering.

"Just people. But..." He shrugged. "They don't teach that anywhere."

...


	3. Life is Short

Spoilers up to vol 17. I'm skipping over the Senninkai war. I don't want to repeat the manga.

This bit is different from the rest of the fic, so I had to give it its own chapter. The question Tenka's mulling over has occurred to me many times in the course of reading and watching anime. What drives these people? I would say a massive inferiority complex.

Anyway, joking aside, this chapter is serious and completely lacking yaoi or sexual elements. Hopefully, it won't happen again.

When I was young and trained under my father, it never occurred to me what the point of it was. What's the point of growing strong? What's the point of fighting? At that time, it was merely a way to prove myself. I suppose whatever I'd chosen to do, he would have been proud of me. But, as a fighter...

I'd failed. I'd totally failed.

The point of fighting was to protect the weak, to protect the ones you care about, to protect those who could not fight. I'd never counted oyaji or coach as weak; maybe that's why I never got the chance to protect them.

It's hard to believe, even now... The Jyuu Ni Sen, including my coach, wiped out. My father died--died for what? To make a point?!--dissappeared into the rain right before my eyes. Like he was never there. Like my life--like my love was an illusion.

Tenshou didn't have my problem of disbelief. He had sobbed loudly, wailing, yelling for his father to come back.

They said it doesn't count as killing but.. I... sure as hell felt dead.

No time to mourn... I wish it were true. I wish for us to instantly face our next challenge. Let Dakki appear before me now, I'll face her single handed if I must. Anything, just give me a fight...

Instead, we again slowly trudged the long, tiresome road to Chouka. The days dragged on, the endless landscape passing under an endless gray sky. Sometimes we doushi stopped and sparred, catching up with the army later, but it seemed more like an opportunity for our "commander" Youzen to show off than any sort of training. I wished suusu hadn't left and not only for that reason. Knowing him for a while, even when he seemed helpless or without option, I couldn't help but think "He has a plan." Or at least was coming up with one quicker than I was.

Right then, I just wanted to swing my sword.

The soldiers were getting restless and tired. They'd only had one fight; they won at impossible odds and it carried them this far. Walking but seeming to get no where--it'd become a metaphor to us all, now. And our losses--the sendou losses--were hitting the humans too. If we, the superhuman, can lose so many, how can they expect to come out all right in the end?

Their families were so far away now. Mine still trudged along with me, but that worried me more than anything, with oyaji gone.

I can't lose them... I can't. What about my little brothers who I watched grow up? Who I missed watching grow up? We'd lost a number in our family and were still strong, but it just made me even more conscious that I still had a lot to lose.

What about little Tenshou? For a while, back on Choukoumei's ship, I thought he was dead. He's too young for that. But he wanted to fight and prove himself...

Just like I once did, really.

These thoughts ran themselves in dizzy circles in my mind. It's a long, long road to Chouka.


	4. Life is Short

The longest and most explicit chapter so far (which probably won't change) I consider this to be porn, but my beta reader rated it PG-13. I'm pretty sure this is as explicit as I can get though. Ah well, I can always try.

Spoilers up to vol 17.

***

So far as I'm concerned, "war" is a swear word. Sennin above, I'm losing it. I was a fool to think a tight bandage would stop this bleeding. Well, it was nice to be fooled for a while.

I'm dying. I'm trying to hide it, but I can't hide my growing thinness. If I weren't sendou, I'd never have survived this long. Damn this endless landscape that I swear I've seen more than just twice. I have to get there, I have to get to Dakki, I have to get to Chuu'oh, I have to get to somebody--somewhere--something--I can't just die!

I never thought about my death, but the idea of just wasting away... I won't have it. I wish they'd walk faster.

Too much time to mourn, too much time to worry, too much time to waste away--I'm a fighter, dammit, a man of action.

We stopped again to rest the soldiers. Walking all day long in armor is tough on them, I know, but...

_ It won't do any good if we get to Chouka and they're exhausted._

I sighed.

_ ....but I won't do any good if I don't get to Chouka at all._

I calmed myself. I'm not bleeding that much. I haven't wasted away yet. I'll retain some strength for the final battle.

....

...For a guy who's wasting away, I sure have a hell of a lot of nervous energy.

I tapped my black boots nervously against the ground, arms crossed in that tight, hunched over way that broadcasted how much I just want to stomp around in circles, waving my arms and yelling nonsense at the sky. I'm not sure how long I can retain my "composure"--in other words, my tight ball of seething aggravated energy.

I spat out my ciggarette; I'd begun to chew on the end, and it left a bad taste in my mouth. I stomped over to a canteen, washed my mouth out and stomped back to the exact same spot. People were noticeably avoiding me.

_ I can't WAIT until we get to the next checkpoint. Before he left, suusu said he thought we'd encounter Choukei soon.... hope he's good._

I scanned the horizon viciously daring something to appear.

...

I took a deep breath. I needed to calm down. I ran a hand through my hair, tugged my bandanna off and retied it tightly in place. I popped a new ciggarrete in my mouth and took a swig so long I wound up with only a stub of ash left in my mouth.

I sighed a long stream of smoke, wiping off my mouth on the back of my hand and trudging back to my tent. At least most of the day was wasted.

Offhand, I noticed that I'd been given a tent a bit out of the ways. Had I really been that antisocial? The only one farther out of the way was Hatsu. There he was, just inside his own tent... reading? I doublechecked. Reading. I certainly hadn't been social with him lately.

I blinked. Then I gave one of those look-arounds... the kind of looking around you only do when you're about to stick your hand in a cookie jar. One of those looks accompanied by masks and dark clothing and the phrase "Synchronize your watches."

It was easy to slip in without him noticing. I quietly closed the tent flap and stepped away.

He blinked and looked up and around. He stood, putting down his book and making his way towards the tent flap, muttering something about the sudden lack of light.

I slipped up behind him, pressing close, slipping one arm around him under his shirt, possessively. He glanced over his shoulder, recognizing me, sweatdropping a bit at the pressure. 

"Oi, Tenka, I'm bisexual because I like fucking people, not being fucked." He actually seemed annoyed at the interruption.

"Ya ever tried it?" I grinned at him.

"Er... yes, I didn't like it much." He tried to wriggle free, which made me rather more intent rather than less.

"Maybe you didn't have the right guy." I slipped my other hand down his pants and stroked it conversationally against his stomach.

All his features scrunched up towards the middle of his face. I continued grinning.

"Maybe." But he didn't look like he thought I was the right guy either. He looked like he was trying to figure out how to tacitly get rid of me.

"If you don't like it, why are all your pants tight in the rear?" I moved my hand my hand all the way between his legs and got a good firm hold. He jumped a little. Now I had him. Nothing would distract him at this point.

"My shirt covers my ass now, you know!" He was still trying to manuever, aware, I was sure, that he had no way to do so.

"But they're all still tight." I undid his pants, rubbing at him with my thumb. He was lucky I had my clothes on. I was as close to him as they would allow. I grinned. "You shouldn't wear uke clothes if you're not uke." 

He did not seem to appreciate the turnaround, just standing there, noncommital except for the physical response my stroking was getting. I pulled off his turban--always one of my favorite parts, because then I got to run my hands through his hair--pulled off his shirt and was now going about the delicate business of getting my own pants off without letting him get away. It wasn't too hard, really, with that grip I had. But still, no comment.

I brought my eyebrows down over my eyes. He was a tall, muscled guy. I could imagine this sort of thing would not happen to him much, but I was sendou, though shorter. He was sweating, obviously uncomfortable, but still, with all the time I'd played around, not voicing himself. Clothes no longer in the way, I wrapped my free arm around him again, pushed close to him. He gulped.

I watched him for a moment before submitting to a deep, closed laugh. I wanted him. I played my hand up and down the length of his body. Yes, I wanted him begging for more, for once, instead of me.

"Hatsu...?" I licked his back once, smirking, pushing him forward, and gave him a more emphatic rub.

He shuddered. "H... hai?"

"Spread your legs." I gave his inner thigh a commanding push in the right direction, and bent down, teasing my tongue inside him.

Only my grip on him kept him from leaping away instinctively. I was very thorough and generous with my treatment, getting more reactions from that than anything my hand had done. I stayed there a while, a bit bemused, before withdrawing and substituing a couple fingers.

I didn't like this new position much, because with one hand behind and one in front I couldn't get close to him, and by now I really wanted him. Suddenly unsatisfied, I let go of him, lifting a leg up and turning him over. I laid down on top of him, kissing him, watching his reactions as I played. He never was this emotional when on top.

"Hatsu...?" I wish he'd say something. I really didn't want to go further without his approval.

"H...h...hai?" He glanced at the grip I was gaining on the back of his knee.

"In another moment I'll be inside you, so if you have a problem with that, you might want to say something." I breathed in his ear. He was so beautiful. "You're a bit sensitive, aren't you?"

A bit was perhaps an understatement. If I was getting this much reaction from only playing around, I'd hurt him trying anything to the degree he did with me.

"Hatsu, I'm not in a hurry. I've been taught sendou disclipline. And, most of all..." I kissed him, whispered to him. "I want you begging for more, and for that, I have to give you less to start with."

And I gave him one of those deep, annoying as hell kisses I learned from him, and didn't stop kissing him until I was done.

For once, I got to watch Hatsu sleep. I didn't manage to make him beg for more, but it really didn't bother me. I just kind of hoped he'd allow a bit more flexibility after this; it wasn't that I didn't like being on bottom, but I liked this as well. And, besides, he'd shown me a pleasure I wasn't expecting, and I wanted to return the favor.

I played with his hair a little. He wasn't beautiful. I don't know why that thought came to me. It was probably a stretch to even call him handsome. But he certainly was charming, especially once you got to know him. I was happy. Happy I'd had a chance to know him, and that things turned out as they did. Happy he was a part of my life.

I played my fingers idly across him. I didn't often get to just watch him, bare and peaceful like this. It was endearing for some reason. It was easy, too, when he wasn't making physical demands on me, to appreciate what points he did have. I certainly did that.

I thought idly about how this started. Now seemed a long ways from then... I certainly hadn't made even idle protests recently. I wondered how I would explain it, if someone were to barge in on us, this time. Myself, lying here, playing idly with the naked, unconscious Bu'oh.

I let the thought hang in my mind a moment as I played my way back up to his face, gave him a kiss and hugged him around the shoulders. I drew a sheet over us and closed my eyes.

"Who cares what other people think, anyway..."

When I awoke, slowly, the first thing I realized was that I was smiling. The second was a warm, comforting presence in my arms. The third was something I couldn't place, something off. I blinked my eyes open.

"Tenka..."

My eyes widened. That wasn't the right voice, but I recognized it immediately. I hoped I had imagined it, somehow, out of fear. I looked up, knowing I hadn't.

"S.... suusu..."

Suusu had never looked larger in his life, standing over us with his arms folded across his chest, looking down at us, partially silohetted by the filtering light. My left hand was still hovering at Hatsu's right shoulder, almost protectively--ha, there was a joke. He hadn't done anything that wasn't expected of him.

I didn't know what to say. Where were the words I'd spoken before I fell asleep? I was a fool not to be more careful... now I could only hover there, frozen.

Suusu, how could you do this... how could you come in here, invade our privacy like this?

"Suusu... I..." I didn't get past that. I had nothing to say.

"It's been obvious for a while, Tenka." He removed his turban and jacket and put them down. "I doubt anyone else has really noticed... they just don't expect it from you."

_ ...and people just fill in the rest._

I pulled out another sheet and covered myself as I sat up, leaving the other one for Hatsu although I knew he wouldn't have cared if I'd left him bare.

"Suusu, what are you doing here?" I tested my ground, glancing at him again.

"Well, you know..." He shrugged, pulling off a glove and his shirt. "KiHatsu's pretty popular with the soldiers, and if he won you over, he must be something... and being tactician does get pretty stressful..."

I blinked at him. Taking off his jacket and turban didn't strike me as odd, but now that I could see skin I got the implication. He couldn't be serious.

"Suusu, you're joking, right...?" I slowly stood up.

"Hm? Why should I be?" He tilted his head at me. "He is good, isn't he?"

But, you're... well, I suppose it wasn't that surprising. I'd never really thought about what suusu's romantic life must be like, but ....

"If you'll just leave..." He rubbed his eyes with the still gloved hand. "This isn't performance art, you know."

"But... Hatsu's still asleep..." I glanced at him. With the sudden lack of warmth, he'd turned onto his side and curled up.

"It's getting late, he'll be up soon." Suusu turned his back to me. "Get dressed, will you? I won't look."

I stared at his back a moment before slowly finding my things and pulling them on, mind numbed. I kept glancing at Hatsu, but he didn't wake up. Once I was dressed, I knelt down by him and pulled the sheet back around him.

Suusu was tapping his foot. I stood up.

"You done yet?" 

I stared at his back.

"Suusu, I... I'm not done with him yet."

"Oi, you obviously got your turn. Let someone else try."

I stared at Hatsu. I loved the way he looked when he was sleeping.

"I... wore him out..." I didn't know what I was saying until I heard it. "...he won't be much for it..."

"Well, I'll ask him when he wakes up. I can always come back later." He finally glanced over his shoulder, and, seeing me clothed, turned back around. He made a dismissive gesture towards the opening of the tent. I didn't move. We just stared at each other a long moment, until finally I glanced back at Hatsu.

Hatsu wouldn't mind, of course. He'd be glad for the opportunity--he'd always thought suusu was "cute." I could just imagine his eager face at the proposal.

Hatsu... and suusu...

He would be very happy for the chance, and he'd be sure to give suusu a reason to come back. I would end up passing suusu on the way to Hatsu's tent, or perhaps interrupting them, or...

"No."

"What was that, Tenka?"

"I... don't want you to."

I wasn't looking at suusu, but I caught him crossing his arms out of the side of my eye. "Now, Tenka, don't be greedy..."

"Suusu, I don't want you to!"

"Well, that doesn't really matter, does it?" He walked over. "It's _his_ decision, isn't it?" He prodded Hatsu with a toe. I flinched.

"Why does it have to be him?!" I reared to meet suusu's face.

"...that's what I was about to ask." He looked me calmly in the eye. "It's not as if we've a shortage of guys for you to pick from, we've only got a whole army here."

"Really, if you must have someone..." Suusu caught my chin and pulled me inches from his face, piercing, intense eyes on mine. "Why don't you just screw me? Sounds like a solution to both our problems."

...what? I... I supposed I'd fostered an eye for men, but I'd never thought of that.

I shook my head free and took a step back. "I don't want you." Like everything now, it just came out.

"Ah, you go for tall, muscled guys, ne? Well, you're tall, but not that tall... there are still plenty of options."

"I don't want..." I stopped.

Suusu narrowed his eyes at me. "What, Tenka?"

"...I don't want anyone else."

Suusu just looked at me, evenly, a while. His face softened.

"Tenka, you can't fall in love with this guy."

I started.

"You don't mean anything to him! He doesn't care about you as a person! You're just some purin-chan, any one else with your body would be just the same to him!"

I clenched my fist.

"Do you think this would happen, if you were ugly?" No, it certainly wouldn't. "Do you think, if you got ugly, he'd still be waiting to fuck you senseless?! Do you talk? Do you know what he thinks or feels or cares about? Does he know anything about you, does he even care?!"

"Shut up, suusu..."

"You're _not_ his friend, you're not his lover, you're not anything to him but a warm body!"

"Shut up, suusu--"

"Do you think, of all the hundreds of people he's screwed--do you think, of all the orgies and men and women and faceless bodies that passed by him, do you think you're different?!"

"Shut UP, suusu!"

He stared me down for a long moment.

"Don't forget yourself, Tenka..." He turned, picking up his clothes and pulling them on. Of course, he hadn't been serious. I was an idiot...

"Just... don't forget yourself." He exited the tent quietly, leaving me standing ready to fight against nothing.

Don't ... forget myself? I didn't even know who I was anymore.

I flopped onto my rear, staring at Hatsu's back. He was still asleep, untouched by the whole thing, untouched by my problems.

Who was I? Kou Hiko's oldest son, Seikyou Doutoku Shinkun's talented disciple, doushi of Konron. Reknowned for his natural sword abilities, unbeatable in close combat, that boy, yes, in the black jacket and the big boots and the ripped jeans, smoking the cigarette, bandanna tied tight across his scalp. Yes, him.

I stared at Hatsu. How did he fit into that? He was Bu'oh, leader of the Shuu. I was his guard, I was going to protect him and make him king of a new dynasty.

He was... a loud, obnoxious pervert who once caused me to change my outfit just by inquiring if I wore those "dorky, weird-looking cuffs" because I was trying to be cute. He was inarticulate, horny, base, charming, suave, blunt, childish, caring, self-centered, insightful, shallow, optimistic, dedicated, light hearted, flighty, pessimistic, goofy, serious, extremely bipolar, loving, loveable, loved...

How did this fit in...?

If I looked at it realistically, we could never be together. He had to have heirs, which meant he had to have wives. Even if he had no status, I was a sendou, practically immortal. I felt like I was dying, still, it was hard to believe I could ever really die. But Hatsu was already aging...

It was horrible to think of, but really, there it was. I didn't even have the option of falling in love. But then, I didn't realize I had been.

I heard a groan as Hatsu rolled over. He blinked awake.

"Tenka...?"

I made an affirmative noise. "...I'm going to go get breakfast, okay?" I stood.

He caught my hand. "Tenka, you're crying."

Was I? I brought a hand up. I was.

He pulled me down and put an arm around me. "What happened? Are you all right?" That idiot, didn't he understand...

Just woken up, his eyes were already bright and catching, and filled with concern. But... really, he'd react that way if he saw anyone crying, wouldn't he? It was a part of his nature.

I slumped against him, letting him hold me, feeling cold and empty inside. He couldn't know his warm, comforting presence only served to make it worse.

I got over it slowly, mainly by distancing myself from Hatsu. It was a bit hard at times, to not even contest for him. When I did go to him, I always felt distracted, not wanting to lose myself in it again. It didn't make me happy, though. I didn't spend much time with him, and when I did, I was preoccupied. I couldn't help but look for another solution.

The next time I was in Hatsu's arms, I wrapped myself around his neck, loosely, debating on it. Hatsu left it at that a while--he'd obviously noticed the difference, I don't know how he could not have. I buried my face in his neck.

"Hatsu... I want you." I said softly. "I want you a lot. I want to be deep in you, I want to pound you in the ground..." I want to make you scream. I didn't voice that part, but it was implied.

Hatsu sweated. He had been more liberal, but I still hadn't had another chance at this.

"Hatsu, this is going to_ hurt._ I'm not going to do this without your voiced okay on it."

And I pressed up against him, and closed my eyes, and waited in his arms for the answer.

It was some time coming. Hatsu was distracting himself by stroking up and down my back, and I wasn't sure he would even bother to answer.

He put his cheek to the top of my head. "All... right."

It took a moment for it to sink in. He really meant that? I quickly pushed him down and found he did.

It was true that Hatsu had a vastly sympathetic nature. But how many people would he trust to this extent? He...

_I love him so much. _ I kissed him. He trusted me, and wanted anything to make me feel better. I never felt so light in my life. I wanted nothing but to make him comfortable, and happy, and safe. I coddled him, and treated him like my treasure. Indulged him, happily.

"Tenka..." he said at one point, in my ear. "You said you wanted it rough. You said it'd make you feel better."

So I had. But I couldn't exactly, now that I was allowed to. It was the permission, really, that I wanted. Still, I leaned in a bit.

"So I did." It wasn't really necessary to lean in too much, anyway. That didn't really matter. This was my Hatsu.

I made a similar demand of him a couple times over the next few weeks, just to quell my insecurity. He always seemed nervous; he always submitted. Maybe it was just hard to find people as willing to be gentle, as I was. But it didn't matter to me; I knew that I had special permission. I was different from all those others, to him. I was allowed more than anyone.

It was comforting to have a bit of light in my heart on the long dark road to Chouka. I was deluding myself. Oh, I was deluding myself. But I wouldn't have to for long, anyway.

And now, just for now, just... just until _then_... let me delude myself. Let me not think. Let me not notice the miles, the discouragment, my worsening appearance. Let me just.... walk along, peacefully, by the would be king.


	5. Life is Short

Spoilers for vol 20. Forgive the disjointed-ness. 

***

I hate Youzen. Not personally. Somehow I've never felt connected to him. Although we're both sendou, it's like we're living in different worlds. You only have to look at us to see it.

I suppose if you wanted to categorize, you'd say that I'm a physical guy, my approach is always competitive. But, although Youzen's a competitive guy--though he seems to care more about winning than the actual game--he's competitive in an intellectual way.

I've never really thought that much of him before, but now, oh, I hate him. I hate him in that itchy way that makes me want to put tacks in his underwear. Because we're about to reach Menchi Castle and he's got me on rear guard. And I don't doubt, with all those sendou to the fore, that if there is any action it'll be blocked from my the view by about 500 horse's rears.

One of which is Youzen himself.

That thought made me smile just a little. The resemblance of the Tensai Doushi to the ass of an ass had surely never been contemplated before, and I liked to be original, in my way. Besides, it kept me from looking around for Hatsu. 

I have to keep some control over myself, lately I've become frighteningly... well, soppy. Sometimes I listen to my thoughts with a careful ear and think, is that me or has a school girl somehow invaded my mind?

Granted, I doubt even a soppy school girl would be dumb enough to fall for Hatsu. No, it takes a _man_ to make a mistake of those proportions.

I did get a small part in that battle after all. Not much, but enough to let me relax a little back into my familiar role. It was good to feel myself again.

_Just... don't forget yourself._

The gloom was again cast over my momentarily sunny face. I was losing sight of what I wanted. That was my own doing... but I wasn't sure I wanted to hang on to the delusion. I couldn't face down some of my problems without facing all of them, which meant perhaps falling into the despair of the dying...

No, I wasn't dying. Perhaps that was a delusion, but it was one I was sure I needed.

The soldiers were being re-organized and rested after the encounter, and I found myself searching out Hatsu's tent. I could talk to Hatsu, or I could talk to Taikoubou. Taikoubou was very important, a great ally, someone I'd die protecting, if need be, but... I didn't think I would like what Taikoubou had to say. It felt like a pre-judgement had been made, and Taikoubou was too good at tricking people into what he wanted.

Hatsu I could trust to be blunt and honest. Besides, if I couldn't confide in Hatsu, I wasn't really in love with him. Although, as I knocked on the tent pole and received a gruff invitation, I remembered that Hatsu seemed to have his own problems lately.

As we neared Chouka he had gone more and more silent. His passionate flings died down and, instead, his sleepless nights were due to sitting outside his tent, staring at the stars. When we stopped he would refuse to get out of bed, as if he didn't wish to face the day--completely opposite to Hatsu's usual nature. He seemed older and thinner every moment, as if some unseen wound was draining him as mine drained me.

I didn't know what to do around Hatsu's uncharacteristic silence. When I came in, Hatsu was massaging his feet--goodness only knows why, since he rode a horse all day while I walked--and his refusal for any help told me this was just a distraction from thought and more purposeful action.

I sat down and watched Hatsu, debating to myself. I didn't know how Hatsu managed to be so cheerful and positive; I had less idea of how to make him more so.

Let's see.... money.... power.... sex appeal...

Maybe if I were Dakki, but Hatsu didn't seem to notice anything right now, content--or not even that--to exist in some sort of mechanical non-state.

"Hatsuuuuuu..." He didn't notice. "Hatsuuuu, my love..."

There was a pause of a few seconds before Hatsu fell off his chair. Shakily pulling himself back on it, he gave me a frightened bunny-like look that would have done Taikoubou proud.

"Hatsu, what the hell is wrong with you lately?" I swung my cigarette around into my back teeth, gritting my face in an expression that bode the end of my patience.

"Hm?" Hatsu's eyes flitted after an insect that had wandered into the tent. They were brought back to attention only by my pulling him off his chair and sitting him down, my hands grasping either side of his dull face.

I stared into his eyes a moment. They were still that intense, forever blue-green, but I felt something lacking. Sighing, I let go and flopped onto my back.

"Y'know, I think 'm dying, Hatsu."

Hatsu's stubborn expressionlessness slipped off again. He immediately moved a hand to my bandaged side; I winced.

"I knew it... it hasn't been healing at all, has it?" Hatsu's eyebrows lowered over his eyes, glowering at me for hiding it.

I smiled a little. "It hasn't even stopped bleeding."

A moment of silence. "How are you.... still...."

"I'm sendou." And a stubborn idiot. They were all the reasons I had. Funny, telling Hatsu now... I felt calm. I closed my eyes.

"I was young. I trained to be a sendou. Make my pops proud. My aunt and my... my mother died... finally, real fighting... then there's the whole thing with you... and I lose pops and coach... and I ... I'm dying..."

My eyebrows had knit unconsciously and I carefully smoothed them.

"I don't know who I am, what I want or if it'll even matter pretty soon."

I let the silence hang after that, not bothering to open my eyes for a reaction. Not wanting to risk their tearing over. It didn't matter; in a moment Hatsu had picked me up and hugged me with those strong, steady arms that seemed all-encompassing with their draped fabric. All of it seemed a little less real, protected by those arms. Like a thin cloth sheet could shield me from the world.

"You know who you are, you just don't have a label for it," Hatsu said in his soft baritone, "You don't have to be... something, just follow your heart and that's who you are."

It was so corny, but Hatsu had a habit of saying corny things and making them work. It was hard for it not to work. His honesty with himself was one of his most admirable traits.

"As for... dying..." He sighed into my hair, making me shiver. "Even sendou die eventually. Knowin' your life is gonna end... it's just more of a reason to enjoy every moment of life you have."

I looked up, though unable to see him, of course. "Then why've you been acting like this lately?"

He hugged me closer, collapsing around me. "It's easier to give this advice than to follow it."

I waited. It came eventually.

"My anchan... then my pops... both of them went to Chouka and died. Now I'm going there..." He straightened his head a moment, shaking it. "Going there to beat some guy I never met for a position I don't want..."

I reached up and pulled his head back down to me. I let my hand hang at his neck for a while, not sure to say.

The people wanted Hatsu, even if he didn't want them. I didn't doubt he'd be a good king, because it was all a part of his nature.

"You are a big puppy, you know that?"

I laughed to myself a little, not able to see his expression but imagining it. I closed my eyes, starting to fall asleep.

"There will be... lots of parties and food... wine... women... a harem... Every time you go into the streets, the people will cheer your name, for saving them.... everyone... everyone loves you..."

"Everyone will remember you... forever... the people are making it happen. You're supported by so many... but... you're the emblem." Like the Shuu symbol he'd added to his outfit. "We can all believe in you... we do believe in you... we'll always believe in you..."

"The only thing left, I suppose..." I was drifting off. "...is for you to believe in yourself..."

My mind was filled with an old festival song. People were dancing in the night, shaking odd instruments and blowing fanfare. Some of the words were so archaic I couldn't make them out. The meaning never seemed to matter. I felt entranced by the rhythm and the twirling crimson fabric against the dark night.

The swirling crimson... against the black...

But it all faded. The sounds of mass celebration to the sounds of mass fear. The dancing footsteps became stumbling, retreating ones.

The swirling crimson... against the black...

Blood splurted. Heaved from me by the tight contraction, the strain on my whole body to keep his hands from connecting.

I wasn't going to lose. Whatever my size, I was _sendou_.

I grinned, teeth baring over fangs. Through the veil of blood everything became so much clearer. Rhythms pounded in my head.

Whatever I was, I was the best at it. Would always be. Would be--'til the final spurt of blood and the grande finale.

Not because of talent.

Not because of teaching.

Not because of any goal.

Just because I could be nothing else.

....On reflection, it was the people. Not the sendou. But the common humans, Hatsu stumbling among them. He was just human, after all.

Wasn't it about fighting? Dakki had won so much without doing any fighting personally. Perhaps I was just too dumb to get it.

I clutched my hand tight against my side, but the blood just seeped through my fingers, refusing to be stopped. I'd really done it this time. All the years with my family, all my years of training, my short time with Hatsu that I still didn't understand--all foregone.

I tensed. If I was going to die just for trying to win, then dammit, I was gonna win.

***

...

***

When did the thoughts of Fate begin to turn?

When were the paths chosen, when were the pieces picked from the pile and set on opposing sides of the board?

What might have been, what would have been, what should have been...

...meaningless.

I didn't say goodbye, not to anyone. I didn't think, at that time, that I was going to live... still, I never wanted to say goodbye.

Now, looking back on it... looking _down_ on it... what is there to do differently?

You just follow your heart, and that's who you are.

Maybe it's just the difference of being a rook or a knight, but...

Back then, right or wrong, we did what we did. We followed our hearts and our follies. We laughed, and we cried.

Now, it's just history.

And, as I turn and fade into mist... rook or knight or nothing at all... so am I.

----------------------------  
Author's notes:  
It's so much easier to write yaoi in the first person. It's weird, but no more of the stupid problems with the pronouns "he" and.... "he" again. On a more important note... this was written because I finished the series and immediately began looking for fanfiction about my favorite, KiHatsu. (This explains any Hatsy worship you may have noticed) Finally I came across a Hatsu/Tenka fanfic with potential and nothing else. I'd seen the pairing many times and never considered it. I began to wonder if it could be done properly. I wrote this only to see if it could be done, and to see if I could write porn. I don't like Hatsu/Tenka as a pairing at all, and I didn't even like Tenka until he died. Although, after this fic... well, he grew on me. Darn jock.

I admit to blatantly stealing the bodyguard excuse off of that first fanfic. If you wanna compare (and debate on the extent of my theft) you can read it here:  
http://inverselina.tripod.com/Houshin/Hatsu.html  
There are also references in here to Space's translations, my own other fics, "Those Who Are Left Behind", Slayers and Chrono Cross, if you're looking. I'm sure I put more of that sort of thing in the other chapters, but I'm too lazy to check.

I tried not to repeat what happened in the manga, partially because if you've read the manga, you'd be bored by the repeat... partially because I have no idea what the hell they're saying or even what's going on in parts.

Thanks go out to Space Coyote, my official beta reader (wow, never had one of those before...) and Shi, my unofficial one.  
-------------------------------

Tan stepped out onto the balcony. The cheering crowds were gone and Hatsu addressed nothing but the wide panoramic skies.

He was flat out on his back, a disturbing prospect, with his middle still wrapped with the bloodied, unchanged bandages. His face he'd shaven; it was, to be frank, nearly as white as his sheets.

The adrenaline of the day faded with the sunset.

"Before you ask," said Hatsu, not looking back, "I haven't eaten anything because it would just fall out the gaping hole in my middle. I assure you, I'm not turning into Pops."

"....I never thought I would be reassured by hearing you say that." Tan's clacking footsteps approached Hatsu. "But I am."

Hatsu just watched the stars. It was easy, the sky was full of them.

"Remember doing this with anchan?"

Tan sat down and looked up. "Vaguely. Do you still remember their names?"

Hatsu rolled his eyes. "Yeah, sure."

Tan traced the heavens with his eyes, even as he caught his hat falling off his head. He placed it beside himself.

"I believe that is Tasuki."

"What does it matter?" Hatsu's eyes were half-lidded now. "It could be the house of Aiyamafah Kinmouron, and it'd still be the same bunch of stars."

"I suppose. Although, one would look at it differently."

Hatsu sat, a bit stiffly, and got to his feet. The wind had died down; his cloth just hung heavily from his shoulders.

"Are you going to be all right, little big brother?"

Hatsu glanced over his shoulder. He was already leaving, without pause or goodbye.

"Didn't Taikoubou tell me I have no time to mourn?"

"Well, yes, once..."

"Didn't he say, hey, come on, yer not a human being, you're a king?"

"....no, no he didn't."

"Hmphff." Hatsu walked away. Somehow his boots did not clack as Tan's did. With his cape obscuring his feet, he seemed to float. It was creepy.

"I ain't got time to sit around thinking or mourning. Life's too short!"

He stepped within the shadow of the building, an arm curled around his waist like a belt. He felt it had just gotten a lot shorter. For the people. Because of the people.

"Because I'm a sap," he said aloud. "I blame you for this, Pops."

With a sudden burst of more characteristic energy, he topped the platform.

"Kou Tenka! Chuu'oh!" His voice echoed in the silent streets. "Say hi to them for me!"

And then the swish of fabric, and the silence of faded echoes and spent winds.


End file.
